How should i express?
I really hate this brat research. When will that day come to me? The day i can slurp up the air happily. No tension. No burden. No crying. No sadness.
When will that day come?
I cant stand any more, dear. But i believe, again and again and always again, force my self to believe, that this will not over my capability. Thats your promise isnt it?
I can hide this bad feeling from others? Its all your help.
I still take care of this brat research. Its all Your hep.
I still doing this and that. Its all Your help.
I choose to be still life. Its all Your help.
You give me power.
But, How should i say to them that i have no happy news for this April?
What a big deep sorry that i should delay that happi moment.
And for the first time, i cried on the phone with my mom, and that was about thing i ve never get problem, academic.
Can i forgive that brat research?
That made me crying almost everyday since last month.
Of course not! I cant forgive it rightnow. Its hard. Really hard.
So, you blame your research, san?
To whom i should blame? You? A fictive person? How dare you?
But okey, i know, its all my fault.
I have no capability. No sense of engineering. My basic chemeng is very poor. I cannot design properly. I dont understand the principle of mass, momentum and heat transport. I have no great smartness like others. I am the bottom product. I know!
I cant stand it anymore. I am tired. Tired. Really tired.